Jesus, I'm depressed. In most of my 34 years, I've at best managed to score 2/3 in life's necessities, which I define as: solid friends(F), a fulfilling job that pays (J), and a solid girlfriend (G). Aha! Actually we need to add another variable into this, general health and well being. Let's call this one (S) for "sound health" since I'd prefer to reserve H for the sum of all these variables - happiness, which would be represented as a percentage.
With me so far? Bear with me - although I'm Asian I was always pretty lousy at math, but maybe I can try and break this down in quasi-mathematical terms.
This is starting to look like this idea might take a while to fully flesh out, so I'm going to to break what I'll refer to as "Shim's Formula for Happiness in Life" into a multi-part essay which is pretty exciting.
I love this shit! I start writing stuff down and ideas just pop out of nowhere. I just wish I was better at math since that would make this a whole bunch easier.
Anyhow, for now, let me leave you with the following:
H = F + J + G + S
Important to note that the 4 variables defined above are not weighed equally (25/25/25/25). Certain factors are more important than others. This is kind of a bummer, since I'm doing pretty well with J and S. Unfortunately, I think that J+S don't really add up to more than 40% at best. I'll approximate my current level of happiness at around 34%, but will work in forthcoming entries to prove this out.
For now, in order to provide myself and anyone else who might be reading this with the following happiness scale. I'm going to focus on 0-50%, since I'm so rather depressed so therefore don't have the energy to assign happiness tiers to something a bit out of reach:
0-50% on Shim's Formula for Happiness in Life Scale:
0-15% = Get your final affairs in order, and if not a convicted felon and in a state/county/city where the procurement of firearms is highly restricted, purchase said firearm, put down newspaper/plastic bags and a Depends undergarment and commit suicide. If a convicted felon, then need to get a bit creative.
15-25% = Risk of premeditated suicide is lessened dramatically. However, chances of accidental death by overdose due to massive drug/alcohol dependency issues is in on a sliding scale between the 60-90th percentile, assuming 60% at H=0.15, adding 2% to each 0.01/H up to .30.
25-50% = Substance abuse and/or listening to chick folk music or early Depeche Mode/New Order/Howard Jones while simultaneously experiencing chronic spontaneous weeping fits is pretty much the status quo, but you're still marginally functional. Cable tv also helps.
OK, making some progress here! I'm gonna go throw on some tunes, get wasted and stagger into bed. Excited to keep plugging away on this! TTYL!
Author's Disclaimer for all you Mother Teresa types out there:
Listen assholes, I might be depressed and whiny but I have a penchant for hyperbole for comic effect. This entry and any subsequent entries in this blog are not thinly veiled cries for help. I just love to complain. You all know this, sheeit.
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